Around this time of year, as a former fourth grade teacher, I used to regularly overhear my students trying to discuss the elections. I was always baffled by how confidently they would assert opinions about wildly complicated topics. Despite the fact they lacked any valid research or reasoning, these conversations often ended with: “Well, I think you’re wrong.”
Talking about politics with kids can feel scary for us as parents, especially in our heated political climate, because we never know what they’re going to say or to whom they’re going to say it. They’re totally oblivious to the land mines surrounding them.
I’m trying to use this as a learning opportunity for my kids, though. I want them to feel empowered enough to have hard conversations, but I want them to do so appropriately. So, here are some concepts I use when teaching kids how to discuss complicated topics:
1. Prioritize conduct over content. Keep the focus on how they treat people, not how much they know.
2. Teach them how to think, not what to think. They will want to know who you’re voting for. Don’t offer it immediately. Explain to them the strengths and weaknesses of both sides and how you weigh the options.
3. Model asking questions in ways that are kind and curious, not demoralizing or leading. It can be tempting to deflate their overly confident opinions with questions. Instead, model genuine curiosity by asking thought-provoking questions.
4. Emphasize the importance of learning about the issues they want to discuss. Teach them to not just regurgitate someone else’s opinion, but to go to trustworthy sources for information and formulate their own beliefs.
5. Teach them when/how to kindly exit a hard conversation. This is not instinctive to kids — they want to keep talking until they win.
It’s important to remind our kids that the root of all problems gets split into two paths forward, and we each have to choose the one we think will be the most effective, while weighing the side effects of that choice. Just because someone else has picked a different path than us, it doesn’t make that person wrong or bad. Nor does it make that person’s perspective any less valid.
When we allow ourselves to search for the things that unite us instead of staring at the things that divide us, it opens up a space for kind and respectful discourse. I firmly believe that the antidote to hate is genuine curiosity, and I hope that above all else, this is the message I instill in my children.
Having these conversations with our kids is difficult and often time consuming, but it is absolutely vital that they are learning these life skills from us. We must remind them to look for the good in everyone, especially those with whom they disagree.