A reader writes:
This is an embarrassing (but probably more common than I think) question. I just got a new role at my company. The company is great, with a pro-employee balance and we’re only in the office about one day/week.
The new role is one which has far more meetings than my current role and is a project manager/SME type of role. I honestly think I can thrive in this new position except…
I suffer with IBS-type symptoms, about 1-2 days a week. I normally only have 5-20 minutes of warning before I’m in desperate need of a restroom. If there’s a flare-up, this can happen several times in an hour. The symptoms are unpredictable in timing.
How do you … gracefully excuse yourself if you’re going to be absent for part of a meeting you’re running? Especially if you’re in a conference room how do you get up and leave?
Should I let my new boss know my horrifying reason I may have this happen?
So far it’s only happened twice during my current job, fortunately during remote meetings, not at work. Both of those times I‘m embarrassed to admit I just dropped suddenly and said, “Sorry, my internet was being weird, did I miss anything?” when I got back a couple minutes later.
But this isn’t feasible with a role that can spend 4-8 hours/day, 5 days/week, in meetings. Do you have a script? Am I overthinking it?
You’re overthinking it a little, probably because you’re thinking “explosive poo” but other people aren’t going to be thinking of it with that much detail.
In a lot of office cultures, if you suddenly need a bathroom mid-meeting you can just quietly leave without saying anything (either as you leave or upon your return). In others, that would feel off. But in either type of office, if it’s a small meeting or you’re playing a major role in it, you usually do need to say something. In those cases, it’s often enough to simply say, “Excuse me for a minute” or “Excuse me — nature calls” or “I have to duck out, I’ll be right back.”
If you’re meeting with the same group of people frequently, it might be useful to just give an up-front explanation that will also cover you going forward: “I have a minor medical thing that means occasionally I might need to step out without much warning. I’ll be back if I do!”
Go ahead and use similar language with your boss, just so she has that context. It’s likely to make it a complete non-issue if she ever does notice anything.
And remember, while you’re framing this as a “horrifying reason,” it’s really not! Bathroom use is a normal thing. Even people without IBS-type symptoms sometimes have a sudden need to excuse themselves! It can happen for other reasons too (for example: injecting a medicine). People won’t think about it much at all. You will be fine!