Q. I was recently at a Mass that was attended by many young families and their children. It was also attended by a young man who came dressed in women’s clothes and received Holy Communion. What should the response be from a parishioner who witnesses such a thing? More importantly, what should be the pastor’s response? Even if the young man received sacramental confession before Mass, wouldn’t this still be an issue?
A. After examining reasons why such incidents are so harmful, I will consider the question from three perspectives: the young man himself presenting himself for Holy Communion, the other parishioners, and the parish priest.
Where’s the Harm?
What is harmful about this young man presenting himself publicly for Holy Communion while presenting himself as a woman? I’ll focus on four harms: confusing the young, scandalizing the weak, discouraging and alienating the faithful, and harming himself.
First, the young are especially vulnerable to confusion by the errors of gender ideology, especially young men and women who themselves suffer from confused feelings about their bodies.
You noted that children were present at this Mass. Some of them surely witnessed the confused man receiving Communion. Some likely asked themselves whether what the man was doing was the right thing and whether the priest (or the Church) approved of what the man did.
Parents, of course, should do their best to address such questions if they arise. And some parents will want to raise the subject with their children after Mass. If the child is old enough to be confused by the situation, he is probably old enough to be spoken to about it.
We don’t want to underestimate how confusing disordered expressions of sex and gender can be for children, even young children. A devout Catholic friend’s 5-year-old daughter recently said she wanted her two Barbies to “play marriage.” When her mother said that marriage between two girls is impossible, that only a boy and girl can get married, the little girl pushed back and started to cry, insisting, “Well, Jacob [the neighbor who has lesbian ‘parents’] has two mommies.”
Second, related to the problem of confusion is the even more serious problem of scandal. Permitting this man to receive Holy Communion could lead vulnerable people into sin. Seeing him approach the altar might lead some to rationalize or deceive themselves into supporting the falsehoods of gender ideology. They might think to themselves that since the Church is tolerant of this kind of behavior, it is therefore okay for them to express their confused feelings similarly or to approve of the decisions of others to self-identify with a gender not corresponding to their biological sex.
Third, this man’s example might also discourage and alienate the faithful who believe — frequently for good reasons — that Catholic pastors are not strong enough in their opposition to evils that threaten the faith and life of Catholics. They might think their pastors are wrongfully uncritical or even supportive of gender ideology.
This could cause them to leave the Catholic Church for faith communities they deem to be more doctrinally orthodox — I know multiple people who have left the Catholic Church for Eastern Orthodoxy under similar circumstances — or it might drive them into canonically irregular groups such as the SSPX.
Finally, although we do not know the young man’s culpability, his decision to approach Holy Communion, if left unquestioned by the pastor, may result in the young man himself believing the Church is tolerant of gender ideology. This could entrench him more deeply in his confused thinking and open him to further and more extreme behavior associated with his gender confusion.
The Young Man’s Perspective
The first responsibility here rests with the young man himself. Catholic teaching is clear that someone conscious of grave sin should not, unless he has a very serious reason, present himself for Holy Communion without first receiving sacramental confession. (And if there is a serious reason, he is obliged to make an act of perfect contrition, which includes the resolution of confessing his sin in the sacrament as soon as reasonably possible.)
However, this young man may not be conscious that something is morally wrong with receiving Communion while representing himself as a woman. We do not know and cannot judge whether he is culpable for any serious sin associated with his gender-confused behavior. I think that when we — the lay faithful — witness disturbing situations such as this one, we ordinarily ought to operate on the assumption that the person in question has a blameless erroneous conscience and thus is ignorant of wrongdoing. I do not mean we should assume he is unaware that he is doing something provocative, only that he is unaware that his behavior is gravely sinful.
You also mention the possibility that this young man went to confession before Mass. If he did, then his conscience may be clear as he approaches Holy Communion.
But although we cannot judge the culpability of his conscience, we can judge that he is doing something objectively disordered in representing himself as a woman. By presenting himself in a manner contradictory to his biological sex, he both demonstrates that he has been influenced by harmful gender ideology and he contributes to the public validation of the false claims of that ideology. Whether or not he is sinning by doing so, he is still doing something harmful to himself and to those around him.
Parishioners’ Perspective
Since it is unlikely to help the situation, I think parishioners ordinarily should not approach the young man in order to correct his behavior. This might be different if someone has a prior relationship with him, which would provide a safe context for raising the issue. The pastor has the primary responsibility for addressing this confusing situation.
It is quite proper for parishioners to be concerned, and those so inclined should speak with their pastors about it. If they do, they should respectfully explain what they witnessed and provide reasons why what they witnessed raises serious concerns for the welfare of those present, including the young man himself. If they do not find redress from their pastors, they should inform their bishop.
Priest’s Perspective
Priests, as a general rule, should instruct gender-confused persons not to present themselves publicly for Holy Communion dressed in the clothing of the opposite sex. This is for two reasons.
First, it is to protect the spiritual welfare of the persons themselves. I said above that those witnessing a spectacle of this sort should operate on the assumption that the person has a blameless erroneous conscience. I do not think, however, that this is an adequate rule for priests to use in assessing who may be admitted to Holy Communion.
A priest may think it likely that the man has a blameless conscience. But given the man’s overt behavior, a priest cannot rule out the possibility that he is culpably rejecting perennial moral teachings of the Catholic faith. And if he is culpable, and a priest invites him to receive Jesus’ Body and Blood, this would be very harmful to the man’s spiritual welfare. (See St. Paul’s warning in 1 Corinthians 11:27-29 about those who eat and drink judgment upon themselves because they receive the Lord unworthily.)
If the young man has recently confessed, and a priest is convinced he is penitent for his sins but as yet is unready to make external changes, the priest should instruct him to come to him after Mass to receive the Eucharist privately.
The second reason to instruct the young man not to present himself publicly for Holy Communion is to protect others from the confusion, scandal and alienation we spoke about above. What we do and what we tolerate both witness to what we believe. Sometimes we become aware that our example (our action or failure to act) may give an ambiguous message on a matter of grave importance, in the case we are considering, a matter that bears upon both faith and morals. In these circumstances, we have an obligation to act to obviate this confusion.
In my judgment, the failure by clerics — including up to the highest levels of the Church — to protect Catholics from confusion, scandal and alienation that arise from an ambiguous public example, is one of the most serious pastoral problems of our time.
I don’t want to suggest that acting to obviate confusion is always easy. The fear of offending people or finding oneself in an ugly confrontation likely deters many from acting. Thus, we need to pray for our priests, that they inculcate with the help of grace the virtue of prudence to know when and how to act and the virtue of courage to be able to act.
Sacrifice Is Sometimes Necessary
Finally, faithful Catholics might be tempted to believe that loving and supporting those who suffer from gender confusion requires staying silent about their decision to present themselves in ways that contradict their biological sex. Such Catholics also, out of misguided notions of acceptance and inclusivity, or from fear of being called hateful or “transphobic,” might be tempted to refer to such persons by pronouns that conform to these people’s preferred gender identity even if it contradicts their biological identity.
Bishop Daniel Thomas of Toledo, Ohio, in his excellent pastoral letter on gender ideology, The Body Reveals the Person, says we must resist these temptations “even at the cost of considerable sacrifice.” Addressing the issue of pronouns, the bishop teaches:
The reason for refusing is that if we use such pronouns, we speak against the truth. We suggest that we do not think the body really reveals the person, and we fail to do what we can to protect people from the significant harms that gender ideology can inflict.
We have an obligation to be charitable toward those who suffer from gender confusion. But expressions of charity must not include watering down the truths of human identity, the holiness of the Eucharist, and the inappropriateness of presenting oneself for Communion while representing oneself as a member of the opposite sex.
If we fail at either task — at showing charity or defending the truth — we fail to uphold the good. And when we fail to uphold the good, we hurt people.