In short, I don’t want to create entitled little monsters … I’m just not entirely sure HOW you do that. I’m far too new to this parenting gig to profess any kind of expertise – so I decided to seek some advice.
Is it too soon?
It’s clear my 2-year-old understands far more than he can yet express, but is it too soon to teach him more than “it’s only one advent calendar chocolate per day”?
CEO at financial education company Banquer, Simon Brown, says it’s not too early. “We know that by age 3, children can grasp basic money concepts, and by age 7 many of their long-term money habits are already forming”.
But – mercifully – Brown also says we don’t have to bog Christmas down with financial lessons. “You don’t need to ‘teach money’ to teach financial values. You just need to connect those early behaviours to how the world works”.
Jenny Hale, senior parent coach at the Parenting Place, is pragmatic – not everything needs to be taught at once. “Preschoolers don’t need to know about compound interest obviously, but they’ll be absorbing values around money by watching and observing the adults.”
That my boys are learning mostly from what I do is both reassuring, and terrifying – and makes this conversation feel even more important.
How can we avoid Christmas just being about “getting” and “stuff”?
“More, more, more” is something I want to avoid fostering at Christmas – but “more” is also one of my toddler’s favourite words!
Growing up, one person opened a gift, then chose a gift to give to someone else. While I didn’t always love the slower pace as a kid, I grew to love the ritual – it allowed space for the receiver to acknowledge the giver. I plan to continue this, even though patience is not a renowned toddler virtue!
Hale also suggests shifting the day’s focus from gifts to experiences. “Can you set up a tradition of playing games on Christmas day? Do something spontaneous like having a breakfast picnic on the beach … Christmas carol karaoke, or spending all day making a gingerbread house?”
The team at Banquer puts it beautifully. “When the magic comes from experiences and connection, not the volume of presents, entitlement has far less room to grow.”
Other suggestions included adopting the “want, need, wear, read” approach to gifts, which I like as a way to manage expectations; filming “thank you” videos for those who’ve sent gifts from afar; and encouraging kids to help choose or make gifts for friends, family or charity. (We have taken our nephews shopping for gifts to donate in the past, but I think our boys are a few years away from that, given our toddler has just learnt the concept of “mine”!)
Don’t forget to spread the word – “Clear communication with wider whānau about avoiding low-quality or excessive gifts can also help,” Simon Brown suggested.
The Santa conundrum
My sons don’t yet know who Santa is (and may not initially be big fans when they go to meet him for a photo …) but when the magical guy delivering the presents isn’t equally generous with everyone, it can be problematic.
Hale suggests avoiding the “naughty or nice” tropes, “So that the kids don’t have to worry about whether they are deserving [or not] of gifts at Christmas. Focus on the fact every family does Christmas differently and this is the way ‘our family’ does it.”
Santa doesn’t have to be the giver of all gifts – especially the big ones – or indeed any. In my sister’s family, Santa is not a tradition they decided to embrace. Full credit to her, she has successfully managed to navigate that with her children – without spoiling anyone else’s fun – and the day is no less magical (plus her lovely children are not remotely entitled).
Things to avoid
Watching my sons’ eyes open to new passions makes it tempting to fulfil them all at once, but I’m wary of creating a rod for my back as the years go by (and their tastes become more expensive).
Simon Brown says avoiding blowing the budget is a powerful lesson. “A budget doesn’t limit Christmas; it protects it from becoming something it was never meant to be.”
Hale suggests “Avoid framing Christmas as a competition; comparing gifts with others only fuels entitlement, not joy. Avoid letting quantity or size become the measure of love”.
I love my children endlessly, and the last thing I want is for them to measure it by what is – or isn’t – under the tree.
So, I’ll be thinking hard about how to imbue the festive season with experiences, traditions and our family’s values, not mounds of stuff.
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