How to be a great boss.
By Heather Cherry—
Being a “boss,” even if you’re not in leadership, is a state of thinking, not necessarily doing.
Ally Love, Peloton fitness instructor, CEO and founder of Love Squad, and Today Show contributor, speaks frequently about being a boss and its impact on her training. “Being a boss, or assuming a title like this, encouraged me to take my training to the next level,” Love says. “I realized it had nothing to do with where I was physically. It was not because of what I could or couldn’t do; it was solely based on what and how it made me feel in the moment.”
Giving her perspective in a Peloton blog, Love says, “It made me feel like I had superpowers … that there was no excuse to hold me back.”
But what does it mean to be a boss? Love says it’s a state of thinking. “Being a boss is a combination of what we do and how those things make us feel,” says Love. “It’s pushing our boundaries of comfort to take charge of fear and overcome the norm—setting the tone, establishing a new standard, and creating limitless boundaries to find self-fulfillment.”
If you’ve ever wanted to embrace your boss status even if you’re not in leadership, here’s how to get started.
Set The Tone
Tone indicates your attitude toward something. This means that whatever you do—whether in your personal or professional life—your tone communicates your feelings. This makes setting the tone—whether for your day, project, or career—vitally important. “Our tone tells the truth even when our words don’t, even when we’re unaware of that,” says Alex Lickerman, M.D., and author of The Undefeated Mind. “We’re often unaware of tensions and attitudes brewing underneath the surface.”
Studies show that how you start something sets the tone for your motivation, drive, and efficiency. If you start something right, you’re likely to stay that way, even if you experience setbacks or challenges. The next time you start a project or even your day, consider what is motivating you.
Motivation—the thing that causes you to act in a way to move toward a goal—involves factors that direct and maintain your behavior. Things that motivate you aren’t always directly observable, and they involve many factors. There are two types of motivation to consider.
- Extrinsic motivation: Anything that inspires you from the outside, like money, social recognition, or praise. Extrinsic motivation goals are focused on an outcome.
- Intrinsic motivation: The internal satisfaction you may experience after achieving something. Intrinsic motivation goals are focused on a feeling of accomplishment.
All goals—whether extrinsic or intrinsic—are based on outcomes that satisfy your psychological needs.
But the reason why intrinsic motivation might be more important to tone setting can be explained by the Intrinsic Motivation Theory. The Intrinsic Motivation Theory refers to the spontaneous tendency to seek challenges and activities that you find challenging or rewarding without the prospect of an external reward. When intrinsically motivated, people engage in an activity because they find it interesting and inherently satisfying.
Some experts believe that all behavior is driven by motivation. And our evolutionary history may have something to do with it. “When the sympathetic nervous system produces epinephrine and norepinephrine, it creates energy for action. This may be why motivation is often conceptualized in terms of drive,” says Beata Souders, a motivation specialist. “Needs are internal notices that energize, direct, and sustain behavior. They generate strivings necessary for the maintenance of life, growth, and well-being.”
To set a better tone, consider your intrinsic motivation. Improve intrinsic motivation with these practices.
- Seek fun: Find activities or tasks that bring you joy, whether in your personal or professional life.
- Challenge yourself: Set attainable goals that focus on mastering a skill, not on external gains.
- Focus on meaning: Identify your value and purpose to help you understand your meaning and how it helps others.
- Visualize: Before starting a task or entering a meeting, visualize a time when you were proud of the work you had accomplished.
Consider motivation
Establish Standards
Your tone helps you sustain whereas standards act like road maps, providing you the direction to reach your destination. Being a boss means establishing standards to guide you. Tony Robbins, author and coach, says people have an endless list of things they “should” do or follow through on, but unless you establish standards, you won’t make it happen.
“If you want real change, you must be willing to upgrade your standards,” Robbins says. “It all starts by asking yourself, honestly, who you are and what you believe about yourself.”
A key to establishing standards is first discovering your true beliefs and how that impacts your identity. “We are hardwired to follow through on who we believe we are,” Robbins says. “Beliefs are your identity. It doesn’t matter how hard someone tries to quit something (like smoking) if that is their identity.”
James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, says your identity emerges from your habits. “You are not born with preset beliefs—every belief is learned and conditioned through experience,” Clear says. “Your habits are how you embody your identity. The more you repeat a behavior, the more you reinforce the identity associated with it. Whatever your identity is now, you believe it because you have proof.”
Habits are a path to establishing standards and your identity. Clear says, “The most practical way to change who you are is to change what you do. Start with small actions and build consistency because new identities require new evidence.”
Create Limitless Boundaries
Finally, to become the boss you want to be even if you’re not in leadership you must overcome your limiting beliefs and create limitless boundaries.
Limiting beliefs are thoughts or a state of mind that you think is the absolute truth and prevents you from doing things. These beliefs aren’t confined to yourself—they can be about how the world works, ideas, and how you interact with others. As you progress toward your goal or set out on something new, you may be plagued by limiting beliefs. Here are some examples of limiting beliefs.
- I’m not cut out for this.
- I’m not a leader.
- I’ll never be good enough.
Experiencing limiting beliefs is common but can be overcome. Here’s how you can create limitless boundaries.
- Think critically about your values. Values are more than just your goals—they guide your everyday actions. Identifying your values helps you decide what is important versus essential and helps you establish your standards. Always revert your values back to your motivation. How do your values imply what motivates you—whether extrinsic or intrinsic?
- Expand your senses. Get out of your comfort zone and experiment with different senses to enhance your ability to establish standards that support your motives. A study published in Science Direct shows that mental imagery activates some brain areas to create a powerful mind-body connection.
- Consider the best-case scenario. Too often, people think of the worst-case scenario. But what if you instead focused on the best-case scenario and visualized how that might look and feel? For example, visualizing yourself achieving a goal and then deciding what standards and motivations might be required to get you there.
- Identify a cue. Habits are instrumental in elevating your boss status. Charles Duhigg, the author of The Power of Habit, says a habit is formed because of three elements: cue, routine, and reward. “The cue is the first step in habit creation—a signal or trigger that tells your brain to react,” Duhigg says. “What’s the cue for the routine? Cues subconsciously trigger habits which in turn impact your life.”
Understanding your motivation and thought process gives you the capacity to become the “boss” you want to be even if you’re not in leadership.
Heather Cherry is a copywriter, journalist, and health coach. She creates strategic, conversational content and helps people overcome barriers. She is the author of Market Your A$$ Off.