Masking — covering or toning down the parts of ourselves that are not represented in or experienced by a dominant group — presents various consequences. Over time, it can take a big toll on our mind, on our body, and on the quality of our work. For example covering or masking core aspects of your identify can enhance feelings of shame or guilt around those parts of yourself, lowering your confidence and self-esteem. Here are some ways get more comfortable embracing your authentic self:
- Check in with yourself: Do you present differently in front of your colleagues than your family and friends? If so, in what ways? Next, assess what might be driving those behaviors. Is it because you feel isolated? Whatever your motivation is, you can combat it by looking for people who will champion your authentic self. If you can’t find them at work, look elsewhere.
- Find your safe people: Your safe people are the colleagues who you have natural connections with or who you feel most comfortable around. Even if they don’t share your identity, these people can be your allies, support you, and value you for who you are. That, in turn, will help you become more accepting of yourself.
- View your identity as your strength: Your identity and background give you a viewpoint that others in your organization are likely not considering. Share your opinion and be clear about where your views stem from. If colleagues ask questions, try to give them the benefit of the doubt. They may not be questioning your identity, but rather, be coming from a place of not knowing.
- Prioritize self-care: Those who cover tend to exude more stress, have lower levels of happiness at work, and higher symptoms of depression. Take a short break between work to take a walk outside, start your day with meditation and yoga, or spend time with your loved ones — choose a practice that allows you to unwind.
For nearly 10 years, I agonized and stressed over who I was going to bring as my plus-one to the annual work holiday party. I believed that if I came to the party pretending to be straight, accompanied by someone who appeared to be a suitable partner, I would gain my leaders’ and colleagues’ approval. I was early in my career and I wanted to be the quintessential employee.