How do you inspire your child to “dream big”? Can you give an example or story?
My teacher Thich Nhat Hanh would say that the future is made of the present. The way to care for the future is to pay attention to what’s happening right now. For me, this means kindling the natural curiosity in my child. What do they like and enjoy, then open up that world.
When my daughter was interested in medicine, I found a doctor who agreed to be “interviewed,” by her. If your child likes music, take them to an (age-appropriate) show. If they love art, take them to a museum or find an artist willing to talk to them about art. If they like bugs, find a bug identification guide online, or in print, and go on a bug scavenger hunt, taking photos of bugs. Get interested in their interests.
Talk about your ancestors and their talents. This connects kids with their lineage and is a powerful reminder of the strengths and skills our ancestors possessed and are in us also.
Share your passions. Do you dance in the kitchen, or used to play the drums in high school? Let your kids know you have many sides and skills. You are not just one thing.
How would you define “success” when it comes to raising children?
Having a relationship with your kids that includes mutual trust, consideration, and care. Even if things are rocky, when I can talk about my feelings and be honest and respectful, I stay connected. When I hear and see them as loveable, I want to contribute to them, and when they see me and are connected, they will make an effort to make my life more wonderful. This is as good as it gets in my assessment.
This is a huge topic in itself, but it would be worthwhile to touch upon it here. What are some ideal social media and digital habits that you think parents should teach to their children?
I agree this is a difficult topic, largely because things are changing so fast, and we haven’t seen a lot of data about generations growing up attached to peers on social media vs. before the internet. Current data shows there is a strong correlation between depression and social media use. Limit exposure time and content according to age. As kids mature, they want more freedom, and it’s important that trust and freedom are linked.
Set examples of good digital hygiene and turn off your cell for meals. Have a phone-free day. Limit your digital availability and turn off the Wi-Fi in the evening. Have kids charge devices in a family area (kitchen or living room) not by their beds which can interfere with sleep. One thing my kids loved was when we turned off all the electric lights, lit candles, and pretended we lived before electricity was invented.
What are your favorite books, podcasts, or resources that inspire you to be a better parent? Can you explain why you like them?
The book Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers
By Gordon Neufeld, Gabor Maté MD, et al.
This book highlights the cost of peer attachment at the expense of parent and elder attachment and what you can do to connect with your kids.
Book: Respectful Parents Respectful Kids: 7 Keys to Turn Family Conflict into Co-operation. By Sura Hart and Victoria Kindle Hobson. This book gives concrete training about how to speak with consideration and find a connection with your kids, without being powerless or passive.
Book: Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life. By Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D.
This book offers the basic underpinning of NVC, and how to speak and listen to bring about connection and understanding. Useful for any age.
Book: Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain. By Daniel J. Seigel, MD. This book helps understand the developmental stages of teen brains and gives insight into impulsivity and lowered threat assessment teens.
Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?
“Take back your power to make the life you want.” I’ve written this and taped it to my keyboard to remind myself that I have a choice in each moment. When I forget my choices, I can feel imprisoned and trapped. I either have to submit or rebel. When I remember that I can say “no,” and think about what I want, and what aligns with my integrity, I have more choice. I make a life I want to participate in, instead of one I have to participate in.
You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
I would love to see kids in addition to a yearly physical health check-up, get a mental health check-up. This would begin to normalize the idea of mental healthcare and remove the stigma of shame. It also recognizes that our mental health is not separate from our physical health. The two are inseparable and worthy of care.
Thank you so much for these insights! This was so inspiring!