Well, it’s a pig of a coincidence to have Ash Wednesday coinciding with Valentine’s Day. So, at the start of Lent, on the very day that traditionalists are allowed one light meal and two collations – basically less of everything and no meat – you’re meant to be celebrating the love stuff, always supposing you’re of an age.
There are ways round this.
First, remember that fish is fine. Oysters, that well known aphrodisiac, are absolutely legitimate; ditto lobster. You can’t really feel that hard done by if you’re putting away Coquilles St Jacques for two.
Or else you could always go vegan. It’s not often you want to embrace the no meat, no dairy, no joy, regime, but Lent is absolutely a time for it. The plant-based scenario is in every retail outlet, ditto restaurants. Tofu for two… bring it on.
Most importantly, there is nothing about Lent that says teetotalism. You can, obviously, give up drink, but personally I’d rather give up food. I once spent a happy Ash Wednesday in a cocktail bar where I got my friend to drink a succession of things with maraschino cherries and umbrellas on the basis that we would be consuming no food whatsoever. It’s that willingness to find a way round every privation that makes religion fun.
Bear in mind that flowers are unproblematic. Filthy cards less so.
But what we should actually be taking on board is how much better Lent is – for the spiritually unwashed as well as the faithful – as a time for giving things up. Dry January, as I never tire of pointing out every year, is a rubbish time for abstinence.