Dear Abby: How to refuse unbearable acquaintance

DEAR ABBY: I have an acquaintance I became friendly with 20 years ago through a mutual friend. The acquaintance now lives in another state. She is a taker and a talker, and I have nothing in common with her. She has made antisemitic comments that left me speechless and unable to respond. I regret not being able to speak up at that time.

This woman stayed with me at my house a few years ago, which was awkward and uncomfortable. I respond to her texts out of politeness. I do not contact her. She has just contacted me to say she’s visiting my state in two months. I do not want to get together with her, but I responded by telling her we could check in closer to the date.

I do not want her to stay at my house. I would be OK with lunch, although she is cheap and would try to find a way to get me to pay for it. I like how you find appropriate words to use when responding to difficult situations. What is your advice, please? — TIMID IN COLORADO

DEAR TIMID: Grow a backbone. You should not have told this woman you would decide about hosting her “closer to the date of her arrival.” Notify her NOW that you won’t be available when she is in your state, or you may wind up hosting her. If she presses, tell her that you have grown apart and in different directions. Then wish her well, make your exit and do not respond to any more of her attempts to contact you.