Toddlers are known for tantrums and unexpected behaviors—and that might include spitting. Whether your toddler spits at you or someone else, it’s important to curb the habit as soon as possible. Learn more about why toddlers spit and how to respond.
Why Toddlers Spit
Sometimes, kids spit for fun. They may simply spit on the ground because they think it’s entertaining. If they get a reaction from anyone, it can make spitting even more lucrative.
Preschoolers tend to spit out of anger. When they can’t verbalize their frustration, they spit to show how upset they feel. A child who knows not to hit may think spitting is a better alternative.
Spitting can also be a self-defense tactic. A child who doesn’t want their friend to steal their toy may spit in an effort to keep them at bay. Older kids tend to spit out of an act of defiance. It’s a great way to say, “You can’t control me,” or “There, take that!”
Some toddlers with autism or other disabilities spit as well. They may feel it’s an effective way to express their feelings or gain control.
How To Respond When Your Toddler Spits
Almost all kids spit at one time or another. The way you respond to spitting will play a major role in how likely they are to do it again. Here are the most effective ways to respond if your toddler spits:
Stay calm
The disrespect—combined with the disgust factor—that accompanies spitting might cause you to lose your temper. But when your child spits, the best thing you can do is model how to deal with your emotions in a socially appropriate way.
Yelling or spanking sends the wrong message. If you’re really upset, walk away for a few minutes. Don’t address the situation until you’re calm enough to speak in a normal tone of voice.
Tell your toddler spitting is unacceptable
Avoid the urge to give a lengthy lecture or scold your child endlessly. A quick, simple reminder that “spitting is gross,” or “spitting is inappropriate,” is all you need.
Send a clear message that says, “Spit is for chewing.” If your child spits in multiple settings, adults should give the same, consistent message about why spitting is a bad idea.
Make your toddler clean up the spit
A helpful natural consequence for spitting includes cleaning up the mess. If your child spits on the floor, give them some cleaning materials so they can wipe it up. If they spit on you or someone else, have them assist in washing it off—if it’s appropriate to do so.
Place your toddler in time-out for spitting
Time-out is a helpful consequence, especially if your child spits out of anger. Place them in a quiet area for one minute for each year of their age. This can help them learn how to calm down when they’re upset.
It’s best to teach your child how to do this by repeatedly showing them strategies such as belly breathing, muscle tension and relaxation, visual imagery, drawing, etc.
Use restitution if your toddler spits
If your child spits on someone else, or on their property, restitution may be in order. For example, insist that they loan the victim their favorite toy for the day or assign them an extra chore to do. Doing something kind for the victim can help them make amends.
Teach your toddler what to do instead of spitting
Teach your child alternatives to spitting. Show them how to use their words and healthy anger management skills. Eventually, your child will learn how to deal with uncomfortable emotions in a socially appropriate manner.
Reinforce your toddler’s good behavior
If spitting is a big problem for your child, a reward system can be helpful. Create a behavior chart that allows your child to earn stickers or points for managing their behavior appropriately. Then, allow them to exchange stickers or points for tangible rewards like TV time or an opportunity to play their favorite game with the family.
Provide lots of praise and positive reinforcement. Say things like, “Great job using your words when you were mad,” or “Nice work telling your brother ‘no’ when he tried to take your toy.” Praise will encourage them to keep up the good work without spitting.