We all live in relationship with many others at any given time, from our romantic partners to our children, our extended families, our close friends, other acquaintances, and work colleagues, to name a few. Meaningful relationships depend on effective communication and where relationships often fail is in a failure of communication.
There are many levels to communication, the most obvious being verbal through the words we speak. A deeper layer of communication is through body language, and it has been estimated that 95% of all communication happens in this manner.
Words can often get misconstrued and body language misinterpreted, so the question arises, how do we effectively communicate with each other? I do not have a simple answer to this question and all I can say is that it takes much patience and a willingness to listen deeply to the other person.
There is, however, a deeper level of communication that few of us ever venture to explore and this is becoming the one you are communicating with. What do I mean by this?
When we are engaged in communication with another, there is usually a reason behind it, whether we need something from them, we are trying to help or guide them or we are catching up on lost time. What most people fail to do when connecting with someone else is to put themselves in that person’s shoes.
What do I mean by this and why does it matter? I can best illustrate this with an example. I am a critical care physician and communicate a lot with nurses in the intensive care unit. Nurses come to me with many concerns about their patients who usually have multiple issues at any given time.
Early on in my career, I often did not take some of their concerns seriously, as I did not understand the importance of what they were trying to convey. One common nursing concern is a low urine output. When the cause of this is not obvious, it is easy to blow it off and ignore it at that moment. Sometimes, this is the right call, as I’ve seen this issue resolve with no specific intervention. More times than not, however, a low urine output is a sign of low blood pressure, sepsis, severe heart failure, medication side effects, or a number of other issues.
The cause is not as important as acknowledging it as a legitimate concern that needs to be addressed. I did not understand this until I was able to put myself in the nurse’s shoes. I started to realize that they are not only concerned for their patient’s well-being, but their license is on the line, which is why they must report every concern, even if I see it as insignificant. I was only able to do this by putting myself in the nurses’ shoes when engaging with them.
So how does one go about seeing a situation from another individual’s perspective?
This is a multi-step process, which proceeds as follows:
- You must first seek to listen to the other person not only with your ears but with all your faculties, including your eyes, because body language and facial expressions communicate a lot that words often do not.
- You need to ask clarifying questions in a compassionate and understanding manner when you don’t understand what the other person is trying to communicate to you.
- You then reframe the other person’s ideas and concerns in your own words to affirm whether you understand them correctly.
- You ask them how they are feeling about what they are conveying to you and try to discern this through scrutinizing their body language.
- Express to them that you are trying to understand their point of view and ask them to help you do that.
- Communicate what action you are going to take with the information that has been shared with you, and then act.
- Follow up with the individual who originally communicated with you to see if their concerns have been adequately addressed.
- If this is not the case, regroup, reframe their concerns and readdress the issues at hand until you reach a mutual understanding.
Effective communication is the cornerstone of all relationships.
Source: Pexels/Pixabay
Communication is a two-way street, which is more effective when you can put yourself in the other person’s shoes by following the steps outlined above. This will help to enhance all of your relationships, personal and professional, and take them to a higher level of understanding and empathy, two qualities that are severely lacking in our disconnected world.