How to Know if Someone Is Authentic

Authenticity has evolved into more than just a label for genuine art, luxury handbags, or rare gems; it has become a defining quality for people. Being authentic is now seen as essential for a balanced and healthy life.

The value placed on authenticity is unmistakable, as it is believed to be a liberating force that guides us to live lives that resonate with our core identities. As such, we seek authenticity in ourselves and admire it in others. But how can you tell whether someone is authentic?

Authenticity Is Everywhere

In a previous post, I argued that being authentic is not an option. More precisely, it is the only option.

At any moment, with every decision we make and with every action we take, I argued that we have no choice but to be authentic. Authenticity in the psychological literature is defined as behaving in accordance with one’s values, beliefs, motives, and personality dispositions. Therefore, by definition, we are always being authentic, because any action we take is a reflection of who we are, what we believe, what we want, and seems sensible in the moment.

Exceptions to the Rule?

You may have objections to the notion of omnipresent authenticity. You may argue, for example, that there are many occasions during which people are being deceptive. They intentionally provide misleading information to create a false impression or to dupe another person for their own benefit. How could we claim that these people are authentic? Isn’t deceitfulness incompatible with authenticity?

Surprisingly, I would contend that it is not. While we call out such behavior as antisocial, immoral, or self-serving, it is also authentic, because the person engaging in lying and deceiving is making a choice to act that way and so is technically acting according to genuine motives.

You may argue that sometimes a person chooses to lie or conceal the truth for the benefit of someone else. In many cultures, for example, when a person is diagnosed with a terminal disease, family members will not reveal that information to the patient to protect the patient’s emotional well-being. Caregivers tiptoe around discussions about prognosis or life expectancy in the presence of the patient and may intentionally present a distorted but more hopeful version of the distressing truth: “You will get well soon”; “My sister-in-law had similar issues and recovered within weeks”; “You are looking better already.” Even healthcare professionals may not communicate information directly to the patient.

Are the patient’s loved ones being honest? Certainly not. Are they being authentic? I’d argue that they most certainly are. They are acting on the belief that they are protecting someone from falling into depression, despair, and hopelessness.

You may also argue that sometimes a person may lie under pressure, because they are being forced by someone else to lie. As a teenager, I had to lie to my parents on several occasions about the whereabouts of my older brother, because he would threaten to tell them that I was spending my lunch money on comic books, if I told them the truth.

Was I being a pretty little liar? I was. And my parents would agree. But as far as authenticity, I was authentically protecting myself from being exposed and punished. Self-preservation can be a strong motive for deception, but it does not undermine a person’s authenticity.

Authenticity in the Eyes of the Observer

If everyone is authentic all the time, how is it that we think of some people as authentic and others as not?

We hardly ever use authentic as a derogatory term or an insult. We use it to express praise, admiration, and approval. We wouldn’t call a person who notoriously delays paying us for work we have done for them authentic. We wouldn’t call a person who rudely interrupts everyone in a meeting authentic. We wouldn’t call a person who tosses their soda cup out their car window onto the street authentic.

Take a minute and think about the most authentic person you know. What makes them authentic? What about their character or actions make you think of them as authentic? Can you can recall any moments when their authenticity shone through?

My guess is that we can easily think of someone we would call authentic, but probably for different reasons. The person that came to mind for me is someone I met at a professional training workshop. Over time, we got to know each other better and now we touch base 2-3 times a year with updates on goals, work, and life. If I were to break down the reasons why I think of her as authentic, here is why:

• She thinks in unconventional ways: She holds a lot of different beliefs that don’t always go together – and are not always consistent with my beliefs – but she does a marvelous job integrating them into a cohesive worldview, without imposing them on anyone else.
• She radiates joy: Even though life has not always been easy, she prefers problem-solving to bemoaning, and when around other people she acts in ways that show interest, compassion, and enjoyment.
• She is bold: She has told me about things she has done or plans to do that I wouldn’t dare to even think about, and she does them without compromising personal and professional responsibilities.

This is why I consider her authentic. You may find my reasons insufficient. The reasons for your nominee of most authentic person may be different. Authenticity is steeped in subjectivity. We may think of people as authentic when we perceive them as reliable or dependable. We may consider them authentic if we find them credible or truthful. We may see authenticity in a person’s courage or tenacity. We may perceive a creative or out-of-the-box thinker as authentic. Whatever the reason, the people we consider authentic have met a standard that we ourselves have arbitrarily set.

Are we all correct even if our criteria differ? The answer is yes. And it is probably an exercise in futility to try to convince each other that we misjudged a person for being authentic.

If the subjectivity surrounding authenticity makes it challenging to measure objectively, reach consensus, and provide rational explanations, what good does authenticity do? Why do we continue to use it as a yardstick to describe ourselves and other people?

Authenticity functions more like an emotion than a trait. Authenticity is a feeling that emerges in our interactions with other people. And like many other feelings, authenticity can create deeper connections between people and motivate us to think big and pursue our goals. Feeling authentic reinforces good habits and brings out good qualities. Perceiving someone else as authentic is inspiring and comforting. All in all, while it may be meaningless to use authenticity as an objective term to describe people and their actions, it makes a lot more sense to accept it as a valuable feeling that allows us to be mindful, considerate, responsible, and joyful.