While watching the Olympics recently, l found myself reminiscing about the days when I played sports. I used to dream about becoming the next Shannon Miller in gymnastics or Mia Hamm in soccer. A more realistic dream was playing sports in college, but that goal quickly became unattainable.
In eighth grade, a horseback riding accident resulted in a broken wrist, whiplash, and injuries to my back and ankle. I spent my first year of high school working through physical therapy to manage the pain.
My ability to play sports was further impacted my sophomore year when I was diagnosed with relapsing-remitting multiple sclerosis. Despite the addition of new physical issues, such as vision problems, struggles with mobility, and heat intolerance, I carried my competitive nature into how I approached my health.
Looking back on it all, I realize now that it was easy to fall into a mindset of keeping my eye on the finish line. That included thinking things like, “I just need to get through school, and then I’ll be able to …” Or, “I just need to push through this last hurdle, and then I can …” And, “I just need this new medication to manage my symptoms, and then I can …”
I even decided to have an autologous hematopoietic stem cell transplant (aHSCT) in the hope that it would reset the decade of health struggles I had. I thought that once I passed the finish line, my health battles would be over. While aHSCT was an immeasurable victory for me, on the other side of the transplant, I’ve had to continuously relearn that I can’t just achieve good health and move on.
In June, just two days after I celebrated my eighth stem cell transplant “birthday,” my immune system was put to the test by a difficult bout of COVID-19. The following month of July was a prime example of my life not going according to plan. The house is currently a mess, I’ve missed work, and for a few days, existing as a blob on the couch was the best I had to offer.
This would’ve been devastating for a younger Ahna. Back then, I would link my happiness to a passing circumstance or event that was beyond my control, not realizing that the finish line was always out of reach. Today, however, I’m focusing on playing the long game and appreciating even the tiniest baby steps forward.
For example, today, I supported a friend who needed advice. Or, today, I made coffee and spent the morning enjoying quality time with my partner. Or, today, I was in the kitchen preparing meals for a couple of days.
A winning strategy
For me, maintaining good health is a continual process, like an endless chase with unexpected detours that disrupt the best-laid plans. I’ve learned not to fall prey to the belief that I can cross a nonexistent finish line. Today’s challenges will be replaced by new ones tomorrow. So instead of racing for the finish line, I’m replacing the “and then I’ll …” promises with interim wins.
I believe the true victory of living with a chronic disease is learning to enjoy the journey. We might never be handed a medal for our efforts, but we can certainly revel in the rewards brought by small, daily wins.
Note: Multiple Sclerosis News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Multiple Sclerosis News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to multiple sclerosis.