I wake up alone to leaden skies. The semester is over, the road trip is done, and here I am in Manali, feeling suddenly solitary in our family house.
It’s been raining all night, and the garden is full of weeds and muddy and squelchy. Maybe taking a walk might cheer things up. I put on my boots and backpack and made my way down the mountain.
The streets are deserted. When I reach the mall, it has the feel of a ghost town; news clips of heavy rains and landslides have scared the usual crowds of tourists away. I look for the newspaper seller but he’s not at his usual station. I buy a loaf of bakery bread, some butter, and a bottle of rhododendron chutney.
I get back to find our gaddi mountain dog, Bisi, sitting on the verandah in a pool of sunlight. Maybe I should do some cleaning. The house has been shuttered for months, there’s dust and cobwebs everywhere.
I begin with the bookshelf in the study. A minute into my cleaning, my duster is laid aside and I am browsing through family history — a shelf full of books written by my grandfather, G D Khosla. There’s Of Mountains and Men, Himalayan Circuit and Stern Reckoning, a book of Partition stories, The Last Mughal (written years before the William Dalrymple book of the same name ) and also my favourite — his quaintly titled memoir Memory’s Gay Chariot. There are the books I read as a teenager during my summer holidays, here in Manali — The Dam Busters, a World War story; and The Long Walk, a thrilling account of one man’s escape from a Siberian prison and many Perry Mason courtroom dramas.
My other life intrudes for a few hours, as I sit through three-hour long Zoom meetings. And then before I know it, it’s evening. The day which began bleakly, has taken on a rhythm of its own. The part-time cook Manoj has been in and I find a tray of hot food waiting for me on the dining table downstairs. I sit down to eat aloo parathas with spicy gourd sabji and rhododendron chutney and pick up a book on living alone.
“I hate small talk with a passionate hatred,” says May Sarton in A Journal of Solitude.
“Why? I suppose because any meeting with another human being is collision for me now. It is always expensive, and I will not waste my time. It is never a waste of time to be outdoors, and never a waste of time to lie down and rest even for a couple of hours,” she said.
Later in bed, I switch on my bedside reading lamp and go back to the Belgian-American poet and writer May Sarton, to her vivid experiences of living in the moment, and her reflections of being alone.
“It is an age where more and more human beings are caught up in lives where fewer and fewer inward decisions can be made, where fewer and fewer real choices exist. The fact that a middle-aged, single woman, without any vestige of family left, lives in this house in a silent village and is responsible only for her soul means something… I have time to think. That is the great, the greatest luxury. I have time to be. Therefore, my responsibility is huge. To use time well and to be all that I can in whatever years are left to me,” says May Sarton. I lay the book aside to think, but before I know it, I am asleep.
What about you dear Reader? What do you read when you are lonely? Last year, I read Wintering by Katherine May, a beautiful book about why it’s important to shut down and regenerate. The year before I read I Am An Island, a wondrous memoir about living alone on a Scottish island. This year I have How to Do Nothing by Jenny Odell on my list. Can you suggest any other such books?
And until next week, happy reading.
Sonya Dutta Choudhury is a Mumbai-based journalist and the founder of Sonya’s Book Box, a bespoke book service. Each week, she brings you specially curated books to give you an immersive understanding of people and places. If you have any reading recommendations or suggestions, write to her at sonyasbookbox@gmail.com
The views expressed are personal
Books referred to in this edition of Book Box
Of Mountains and Men by G.D Khosla
Himalayan Circuit by G.D Khosla
Stern Reckoning by G.D Khosla
Last Mughal by G.D Khosla
Memory’s Gay Chariot by G.D Khosla
Dam Busters by James Holland
The Long Walk by Slavomir Rawicz
Journal of a Solitude by May Sarton
Wintering by Katherine May
I am an Island by Tamsin Calidas
How to Do Nothing by Jenny Odell