How to Network Without the Icky Feeling

For many job seekers, the word “networking” stirs up images of awkward small talk in hotel ballrooms, juggling business cards and a plate of appetizers. It doesn’t have to be that way. In fact, according to

Susan McPherson

, author of The Lost Art of Connecting, networking should be less about “what can I get?” and more about “what can I give?”

I spoke with Susan for a recent episode of my weekly Get Hired podcast about her approach to building connections. This is an area where so many people struggle to gain ground. Yet, it’s such a powerful tool for job seeking and career advancement. I wanted to make sure to share it here, too.

Susan’s advice turns traditional networking on its head by focusing on creating meaningful connections rather than engaging in transactional exchanges. Here’s how you can shift your mindset and take practical steps to build a professional network that feels authentic — and even enjoyable.

“I see networking as much more transactional,” Susan explains. “For connecting, it’s leading with how you can be helpful to others.” This shift in perspective makes a world of difference. Instead of walking into a room wondering what you can get out of it, try to understand the needs and goals of others.

The next time you’re at a networking event or engaging online, instead of thinking, “What’s in it for me?” ask yourself, “How can I help this person?”

For introverts or those nervous about networking, Susan recommends a simple strategy: the power of three. 

“When you walk into a room, plan to meet three people, learn three things, and share three things,” she advises. This structured approach makes networking less overwhelming by giving you a clear, achievable goal.

Set a small, manageable goal for each networking event. Aim to have three quality interactions rather than trying to meet everyone in the room.

Building meaningful connections is about asking the right questions. 

“Ask the meaningful questions of others so that you can find out what are their hopes, what are their desires, what are their wants, so that then you can be helpful,” Susan suggests. The goal is to discover how you can help them — not in a forced, transactional way but by genuinely understanding what they need.

Instead of asking standard questions like, “What do you do?”, try more engaging ones like, “What’s the best thing that’s happened to you this week?” or “What’s the last great podcast you listened to?” This approach helps lower defenses and leads to more authentic conversations.

One of the most important parts of networking happens after the initial interaction—following up. 

“Don’t wait to follow-up,” Susan advises. “We know what happens when we put things off. They never get done. You’ll forget what you talked about.” She also suggests asking people their preferred mode of communication — whether it’s email, text, or phone — and sticking to it.

After meeting someone, send a quick follow-up within 24 hours. Mention something specific from your conversation and offer any help or resources you think might be useful to them.

Networking isn’t a one-time interaction. According to Susan, it’s all about the long game. Whether you’re checking in periodically or offering to connect them with someone in your circle, maintaining relationships is key.

Create a simple system for staying in touch with your connections. Whether it’s a quick check-in text or sharing an interesting article, regularly engaging with your network keeps relationships alive.

One of the most valuable tips Susan offers is to resist the urge to ask for help right away. Exchanges are more meaningful if you offer something before asking for help. Whether it’s suggesting a podcast guest or forwarding a job opening that’s perfect for someone else, leading with value makes a stronger impression. Even a small gesture can leave a lasting impact.

Networking doesn’t have to be dreadful or transactional. By focusing on connecting rather than collecting contacts, asking thoughtful questions, and offering help before seeking it, you can build a network that’s both meaningful and fulfilling. “When you let people know you’re thinking of them, that’s a gift,” Susan says. And in return, you’ll find that help often comes back to you when you least expect it.

A transcript of my full conversation with Susan can be found by clicking here. The episode is available wherever you like to listen, including Apple Podcasts by clicking here.

Struggling to make your LinkedIn profile come together? Well, LinkedIn VP and Career Expert Catherine Fisher knows how to make a LinkedIn profile stand out and make a difference in your job search. She joined me on the latest episode of Get Hired with Andrew Seaman to offer her top tips, including what you can do to move your job search forward thanks to new features on LinkedIn.

A transcript of the conversation is available by clicking here. You can listen to the episode above or on Apple Podcasts by clicking here.

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