Raising a child is never an easy task, but when that child is a teenager with autism, the journey takes on an entirely different shape. As a mother raising a teenage son with autism, I’ve faced unique challenges that have tested my patience, resilience, and ability to adapt. Every day is a new opportunity to learn and grow alongside my son as we navigate the complexities of adolescence and the nuances of autism. While the road can be difficult, it has also been filled with moments of profound joy and connection that I would not trade for anything.
The early years of parenting are filled with excitement, wonder, and a fair share of worry. For me, the worry stemmed from wondering whether my son was developing typically. Although he reached many early milestones, I noticed something was different. By the time he was 18 months old, I began to feel a sense of unease. He suddenly stopped talking, and while other children seemed to enjoy company, he preferred solitary activities. He didn’t show much interest in making eye contact and had an intense focus on certain objects that seemed out of the ordinary.
After talking to our paediatrician and going through assessments, he was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder (ASD). In many ways, the diagnosis was both a relief and a source of grief. It was a relief because it explained many of the unresolved situations I was noticing, but it was also a heavy burden to carry. I didn’t know what the future would look like, and I was scared for him. But I knew one thing for sure: I would do everything I could to help him lead a fulfilling life.
As he grew older, the challenges intensified. School, a time of growth and development for children, became a daily battleground. He struggled in a traditional classroom environment, and many of the sensory issues that came with his autism became more pronounced. Loud noises, heat, and crowded spaces all caused him great distress. Socialising was another significant hurdle. While his peers were developing friendships and learning how to navigate the complex world of social cues, my son found it nearly impossible to connect with others in the way they did.
As his mother, I felt the weight of his struggle deeply. I wanted nothing more than to see him happy, confident, and surrounded by friends, but that wasn’t my son’s reality. Instead, he often retreated into his world, preferring the comfort of his routines. And while I knew his behaviour wasn’t his fault, it still pained me to see him so isolated. At times, I felt helpless —unable to reach him in the way I so desperately wanted.
Eventually, we moved him to a specialised school which worked with us to create an individualised education programme that would better support his unique needs. Over time, we saw the interventions helping him in his day to day life.
As he transitioned into his teenage years, the challenges shifted in subtle but significant ways. Adolescence is a time of rapid physical and emotional growth for all children, but for a child with autism and no speech, the changes can feel overwhelming. He didn’t always know how to go about these sudden changes and that made him anxious and restless. Together with his other sensitivities, this often led to frustration and emotional meltdowns which left me drained, helpless and scared.
As a mother, watching my son struggle with the very thing that seems to come so easily to others — the ability to connect socially — was heartbreaking. I saw the pain in his eyes when he couldn’t understand why he wasn’t invited to hang out with friends, or when he didn’t know how to join in on a conversation. The teenage years are hard enough for neurotypical kids, but for him, they felt like an insurmountable obstacle.
The dreams I had for him when he was younger — dreams of him excelling in school and finding a group of close friends — were not to become a reality. Instead, I’ve had to learn to focus on what truly matters: His emotional well-being, his sense of self-worth, and his ability to find happiness in his own way.
One of the most significant challenges I’ve faced as he has grown older is finding a balance between fostering his independence and providing the support he needs. It is almost like all teenagers, but at the same time, his autism means that he struggles with executive functioning skills like time management, problem-solving, and self-regulation.
In many ways, I’m learning how to give him the space to grow while also offering guidance when necessary. A whole team of teachers and therapists help us work with him on developing coping strategies for stress and anxiety, common challenges for individuals with autism. I try to keep his environment predictable, as a rigid routine helps him feel grounded but I also encourage him to step out of his comfort zone and try new things, even if it’s just a small step forward. I work hard to celebrate his accomplishments, no matter how small they may seem. Whether it’s a successful interaction with a peer, completing a challenging task, or even just handling a stressful situation without a meltdown, I make sure to praise him. These moments of success — no matter how minor for others — are victories for us both.
There are days when I feel utterly exhausted and emotionally drained by the constant need to advocate for him and help him navigate the world. I have spent countless hours talking to specialists and older parents, seeking out resources that will support him. There are moments of frustration, when it feels like we take two steps forward and one step back. But there are also moments of profound joy — like when he achieves something he’s worked hard for, or when he smiles at me, proud of himself.
Despite the difficulties, I’ve come to realise that this journey is about more than just teaching my son to cope with the world around him. It’s about teaching both of us to appreciate the small things, to be patient with ourselves, and to embrace the beauty of our unique relationship. Raising him has taught me more about love, resilience, and unconditional support than I ever could have imagined.
As a mother, I will continue to advocate for him, support him, and love him fiercely. And while the challenges may persist, I know that together, we will continue to grow, adapt, and face whatever the future holds.
The writer is a mother of two and a social entrepreneur who started The Special Mom to help and empower parents and caregivers of special needs people
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