Discover the three characteristics of great questions—and how they can help build bridges in the workplace.
Asking better questions leads to better outcomes
In a world that feels more polarized each day, it’s now mission-critical to build bridges with the people we disagree with. In every context—at home, at work and beyond—most of us are now interacting regularly with others whose views may seem almost incomprehensible to us.
How do we find a way forward in the year of extremes that 2025 promises to be?
The answer is simple yet profound: we must ask better questions.
“When we don’t understand someone else’s point of view we experience confusion and judgment, and we often dismiss both the person and their position,” says David Morelli, PhD. and co-founder of OwlHub. “Great questions can get at the heart of what others think, how others feel, and why others act the way they do.
“The quality of our questions impacts the quality of our conversations.”
A great question, says Morelli, is delivered with openness, genuine curiosity and the willingness to deeply listen—and it’s the key to a rich understanding of someone else’s experience.
If asking great questions and building deeper human connections intrigues you as a goal for the new year, read on.
What we all want
The first step to building a human connection with people we don’t understand is to grasp a universal truth: “Underneath even the most perplexing behavior, people are simply trying to get their fundamental needs met. These are needs we all share, such as love, respect, safety, self-determination, and more,” says Morelli.
It’s at the level of fundamental needs, he says, where we find commonality. “You may not agree with their strategies to satisfy those fundamental needs,” Morelli notes. “However, if you truly put yourself into their perspective, worldview, circumstances, prior experiences, etc. you’ll usually understand how they think, feel, and act the way they do.”
The right questions can help foster this understanding—especially in the workplace. “We may choose our friends, but we tend not to choose our coworkers or colleagues,” says Morelli. “This means that within the context of work, you have less control over whether you and another person think in the same ways.”
Good questions get at the heart of someone else’s viewpoint to create understanding and openness on both sides. “Without asking the right questions, people usually get entrenched in the way they see things, then they judge all others as wrong,” warns Morelli.
So what are the wrong questions? According to Morelli, most wrong questions are statements in disguise. “‘Don’t you think you should have thought this through more?’ is really, ‘You should have thought this through more’,” he explains. “It’s framed as a question, but it’s rhetorical at best.
“Another version of a wrong question is what I call veiled advice, such as ‘Can you just solve the problem by talking to them?’”
Other wrong questions often start with ‘why,’ says Morelli, and put people on the defensive (e.g., ‘Why did you do that?!’). “Such questions are really just a vehicle for veiled blame, veiled judgment, veiled anger, etc.”
Defining the right question
Morelli shares three main characteristics of great questions:
1. Open or closed. “Open-ended questions ideally get people to give an expansive answer whereas closed-ended questions get people to commit to something,” says Morelli. “However, this question framing can often lead to whether someone will open up or close down as well.”
‘Do you enjoy working here?’ is an example of a closed-ended question. “The employee must take their widely varied experiences and distill them into a one-word binary, all-or-nothing response,” says Morelli. “Most likely the manager will get lied to as a result, all because of a poor framing.
“However, if we change that question slightly to an open-ended frame of, ‘What do you enjoy most about working here?’ the employee can sort through the wide array of experiences and select the experience that’s more truthful,” says Morelli.
Diving deeper, the manager could also ask, ‘What do you enjoy least about working here?’ “The manager may discover useful information that sparks positive changes,” says Morelli, “but they never would have gotten that information without the correct framing.”
2. Direct or indirect. Morelli shares an example of a very direct question, ‘What will you do about this?’ that implies that the responder is responsible for acting on the situation. “It also implies they should come up with a definitive answer on-the-spot,” he says. “Whereas an indirect version of that question, ‘What might you do about this?’ invites them to think about the possibilities and generate options.”
Every question, says Morelli, will fit somewhere on the spectrum from very direct to very indirect. “If you want to gain question mastery, you must learn how to shape questions with and be intentional about your level of directness.”
3. The style infused into the question. To master this element of your questions, says Morelli, you must first ask yourself: Am I trying to get them to accomplish something? Am I trying to challenge or provoke them? Am I checking in with their emotional experience?
“The style infused into the questions you ask will shape the direction of the response, getting others to think in very different ways,” he says. “There are seven styles behind our interactions that shape every question we ask and every statement we make,” says Morelli. “Learning to use these seven styles will give you more mastery in every conversation.”
The RESPECT framework
The seven coaching styles Morelli uncovered in his doctoral research create the acronym RESPECT, each with a different intention and focus:
- Rallier: outcomes, goals, actions, and meeting deadlines
- Educator: skills, knowledge, competency, and new learning
- Strategist: solutions, plans, obstacles, and core issues
- Provocateur: challenging, rethinking, ownership, and seeking truth
- Explorer: curiosity, creativity, innovation and expanding thought
- Confidant: feelings, humanity, compassion, and personal experiences
- Transformer: potential, purpose, change, and fulfilling aspirations
Each of these styles, says Morelli, creates unique questions. Examples include:
- Rallier: ‘What will you accomplish today?’
- Educator: ‘What have you learned that applies now?’
- Strategist: ‘How can you solve this issue?’
- Provocateur: ‘What faulty assumption are you possibly making?’
- Explorer: ‘What does success look like to you?’
- Confidant: ‘How are you feeling?’
- Transformer: ‘Who do you want to become as a leader?’
“My research revealed that masterful coaches use all seven styles,” says Morelli. “To discover your top style, you can take this free 45-second quiz to learn the stylistic leaning that shapes much of your communication.”
Asking uncomfortable questions
Ever had to ask someone an uncomfortable question? “At work, most people avoid uncomfortable conversations,” says Morelli. “The secret to positive uncomfortable conversations is being willing to embrace awkwardness—in yourself or in others.
“Uncomfortable conversations are some of the most important ones to have. They address the unspoken truths or miscommunications in relationships.”
In the RESPECT framework, uncomfortable conversations usually fall into the Provocateur style—which is one of the least-used styles in both leaders and direct reports. “Collectively, we’re not skilled in shining the light on the squiggly thing that needs to be talked about,” says Morelli.
Two Provocateur question examples include:
- ‘What uncomfortable truth are you avoiding right now?’
- ‘What are the internal and external costs if you don’t address it?’
In preparing for uncomfortable conversations, Morelli says it’s helpful to have a few preparatory questions in various other styles, such as:
- Explorer: ‘What was your experience of ___ situation?’ or
- Confidant: ‘How are you feeling about this?’
Then, says Morelli, “lean into Provocateur and ask the hard question in a way that expresses value for the other person.”
It’s easier said than done, of course. “Ultimately, if we’re going to bridge the gaps in our viewpoints, we need to be willing to ask questions that stretch us,” urges Morelli. “Even if we don’t like the answers, when we know where someone is coming from, we give the gift of helping others be heard. Remember, each person is just trying to get one or more fundamental needs met—just like you.”
Better questions in 2025
If you’re like me, your head might be swimming, trying to parse your questions for whether or not they’re open- or closed-ended, direct or indirect and stylistically effective. But getting started on asking better questions doesn’t have to be complicated. A basic rule, says Morelli, is to start asking questions that elicit the answers and creativity from the other person.
“We mistakenly believe that we need to be the experts in situations,” he says. “I call this the expert trap. You don’t need to know the answers yourself…you need to help others discover the answers within them.”
Better results in our work relationships this coming year may hinge on whether we can ask better questions. “The world is complex, but learning to ask simple, powerful questions can make it feel less so,” says Morelli.
A simpler, more humanly connected workplace in 2025—that’s a goal worth working toward, one question at a time.