How to talk to children about Jackie and Shadow’s chick dying and other losses in life

The YouTube livestream of Big Bear’s famous bald eagle nest is popular with parents and educators alike, becoming a fixture in classrooms across the U.S.

But when one of Jackie and Shadow’s chicks died a few weeks ago, many adult fans were suddenly confronted with the question — what do I tell the kids?

It may feel like a difficult conversation or one that you’d like to avoid entirely. But the loss of the chick can be an opportunity to talk about death with children when the stakes are lower than  some of the other ways it comes up in schools or communities, according to David Schonfeld,  a developmental behavioral pediatrician who directs the National Center for School Crisis and Bereavement at Children’s Hospital Los Angeles.

“Talking about death with young children, you know, in contexts that are not that personally threatening is actually helpful,” he said. “It can help prepare them for conversations about other losses that have a more direct impact on them.”

Why now and not later

Marcy Billdt was a little hesitant to tell her fourth-grade class in Bakersfield’s Standard School District that one of the three chicks was missing.

After watching the livestream with students for several seasons, she knew the nest didn’t always have a happy ending, but this class had developed a notably strong bond with all three eaglets.

“And honestly, I’ve attached a bond to [them], too,” Billdt told LAist. “It was something that has become a part of our classroom culture.”

It’s normal to want to try to protect children from loss, Schonfeld said, but avoid the urge to clam up completely. Death is a natural part of life that many will confront in childhood — and silence can say more than adults realize.

Avoiding talking about something like death can quickly communicate to children that it’s not appropriate or is off-limits to discuss. And while they may not hear about it from you, that doesn’t mean they won’t learn about it online, on the playground or in public.

“In the United States, we’ve actually tried to insulate children from death,” Schonfeld said. “But we don’t really insulate them from death, we just insulate them from discussions and understanding and coping.”

Talking about loss with children, on the other hand, shows that you are there for them and they can come to you when they’re dealing with important and serious topics.

When Billdt’s students initiated the conversation about the missing chick later that day, she gave them space to express their grief and shed a tear or two. Once they got past the initial shock, she said the students quickly focused on the other two healthy babies and how well Jackie and Shadow were caring for them.

“Kids are extremely resilient if you provide them the support that they need in order to navigate those feelings,” she said.

But what do I say

The livestream had become a steady feature in Allison Meyer’s fourth-grade classroom in the Garden Grove Unified School District by the time the chick died, and she didn’t want to upset her students when they all returned from spring break the following week.

“ I had seen that Jackie had taken the chick in her beak and flew off with it,” Meyer told LAist. “I did not want to come back … and show that to the kids.”

She did share that Jackie removed the body from the nest, and while they were sad about the loss, the class was able to turn its attention to celebrating how much the other eaglets had grown.

Meyer, on the other hand, seemed to take it harder than the students.

“You’re just so invested; it’s like they’re your babies too,” she said. “It was heartbreaking to me … took a couple days for me to kind of get over it.  So I didn’t wanna bum the class out.”

When talking to children about the death of the chick, or other losses in life, Schonfeld said there are a few critical concepts that can help them understand and cope.

First, explain that when somebody or something dies, they cannot come back. This may be contrary to what they see on TV or in cartoon characters, but it’s important for children to understand they’re gone and not just on a long trip far away.

Schonfeld said they should also understand that all living things eventually die. If they don’t realize death is inevitable, children may think they’re being punished in some way, which can lead to feelings of guilt and shame.

Schonfeld also recommended explaining that all life functions stop working in death so children aren’t concerned about them being cold, hungry or lonely.

Overall, be direct and honest, he added. Don’t be afraid to talk about what happened to the chick, but you can also follow-up with how us humans are different. For example, Schonfeld said that while it’s sad the eaglet didn’t survive the snowstorm, fortunately, as people, we do provide resources and support to those who need it.

“It’s so much easier to talk about the chicks than it is to talk about, you know, a close family member,” he said. “ I think we should start with the things that naturally present themselves, and that will help put us in a good position to talk about the more difficult topics the kids will have to face during their childhood.”