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When people write up their opinions for a living, they feel very safe in sharing those opinions where they make a living. And that’s largely a good thing at GQ (nobody has said mad cancellable shit thus far). Our site director, Sam Parker, made a Hot Wash suggestion. “Tell you what I’d read a piece on: beanies,” he said. “Every winter it’s a choice between ruining your hair, or having cold little ears.” Fairly standard stuff. But then things began to snowball. “Also, I hate that thing guys do of having a beanie above your ears. It’s like wearing a coat with a hole cut out where your major organs are.”
I was apoplectic. One: because my doctor said I’ve got high testosterone, and that makes for a terrible temper. And two: because I refuse to pull my beanie down over my ears. If I do, my favourite (just $20 from Dave’s in New York, btw) goes from blue-collar hero to toddler with a runny nose real quick. To me, there’s something slightly twee about being all rosy-cheeked and cosy, beaming from ear to ear under your little red hat. Let the ears out. Give your beanie some shape. Besides, it’s still keeping your head warm, and I choose to believe in the well-debunked myth that most heat is lost through your skull.
The topic came up again. Except this time, we were five pints deep at the Christmas work do – a place where all office friendships go to die. Like an in-flight safety demo, Sam pulled his hat down over his ears, while mine rested above them. He said I looked ridiculous. I said he looked ridiculous. Others started chiming in, goading us on. I can’t fully remember, but I’m sure someone pulled my beanie down like I was a first year getting a wedgie in the school corridor. It didn’t come to blows, because I love Sam, and I also would like to keep my job. But it did strike me as odd that this topic of menswear got so many men so mad. It’s not Timothée Chalamet’s sexy little space suits, or having a mullet cut post-30, but whether a beanie should be worn above or below the ears.
I took to Reddit to find answers. Which is foolish, because this is the place that first introduced the concept of “doxxing”. To no surprise, the conversation was just as heated. Some said it was dumb, defeating the whole purpose of a beanie. One guy said if that was the case, then why would brands make fingerless gloves? In pure, blessed Reddit pedantry, some guys wrote that those little fishermen beanies aren’t beanies, actually, but “watch caps”. Another said guys with glasses find over-the-ears to be uncomfortable, and I’d never really thought about that, but yeah, makes sense.
There is no universal way to wear a beanie, then. I know which side I’m on. What’s more fascinating though, is that for the last 10 years, menswear’s pundit class has said that “the rulebook is out of the window”, that we’ve never been in a more experimental, freewheeling and freefalling fashion scene. Men can (and should) wear and do whatever makes them feel good. What fuelled this big beanie brawl wasn’t a difference of opinion, but a lack of clarity. Maybe we’re still yearning for a rules-based order of menswear. Or, like a boomer on Facebook, we’re clutching for the romance of an earlier, simpler time that didn’t exist. We haven’t got all the answers. Either way, I think healthy debate is good – and I think pulling a beanie down over your ears is best left to my Grandma Mary on a long dog walk.