As with any practice, consistency in small repetitions reshapes one’s mindset and, over time, ingrains the changed behaviour, Ms Mah said.
“So that even if people make a mistake, they no longer tell themselves, ‘I’m a failure’. Rather, ‘this was a learning lesson for me, this was an experiment that didn’t go so well but I took the good things from it, and I’ll reshape it into a better one next time’.
“We shift the critique from an identity attack into self-leadership.”
The latter involves intentionally guiding one’s thoughts, feelings and actions to achieve goals, rather than relying solely on external direction.
When he was finally able to confront and work with his self-criticism, Mr Tan the leadership coach started The Wholehearted Podcast in 2022 after procrastinating for two years.
He recognises that his inner critic, which questioned his motivation, was beneficial in getting his podcast off the ground and now, into its fourth year.
The self-improvement podcast features varied professionals from therapists to human resource leaders.
Once honed, his critical voice kept him focused on his values and beliefs, and from being swayed by fleeting impulses to give up.
“(My self-critic) makes sure that when I launch something, I really want to do it, and it’s not for the sake of the moment,” he said.
“I told myself I’m not going to give up on this without good grounds. I’m not going to give up because life gets too busy.”
Like Mr Tan, rather than instinctively turn away from excessively critical beliefs about myself whenever they surfaced, learning to be curious about them brought me fulfilling personal and professional growth.
With consistency, self-compassion became almost as natural as self-criticism for me.
By simply hearing out my inner critic, it was eventually easier for me to tell what was worth listening to.