Sarah, a new mom who’s thrilled about her 3-month-old baby, is struggling with her sex life. Her once vibrant physical relationship with her partner has dwindled, and she’s dealing with painful intercourse and a notable drop in desire.
Pregnancy and childbirth are transformative experiences that affect every facet of a person’s life, including their sexual well-being. Despite this fact, clinicians frequently ignore sexual well-being, beyond contraception, in prenatal and postpartum care. In peripartum care, anticipatory guidance is recognized to be crucial to the well-being of new parents and their babies. Why should sexual well-being get the shaft?
Why Talk About Sex?
Sex is a fundamental aspect of many people’s lives and relationships and can significantly affect overall well-being. Despite cultural narratives that often exclude the sexual function and pleasure aspect of sexual health from peripartum discussions, many new parents face sexual challenges that can worsen their physical and emotional health.
While up to 88% of new parents report problems with sexual well-being, less than 30% report receiving anticipatory guidance about sexual function changes. One study found only 15% of postpartum women reported discussing sexual concerns with their medical providers. And, when new parents receive more information about sexual health, they tend to report improved sexual well-being. Clearly, a gap needs bridging.
Sexual health doesn’t just affect individual well-being; it intertwines with relationship satisfaction. Attending to satisfaction in one’s relationship may be an important component of child health as well.
Declines in the frequency of sexual engagement and desire are common after childbirth. Changes in arousal, orgasm, and sexual pleasure, often accompanied by pain, are also reported by many women. Some birthing parents report changes to the sensation of their genitals that are thought to be related to stretch of the pudendal nerve during parturition. Most experience resolution of these concerns within the first year after childbirth, although some women report persistent problems, including up to 33% with persistent sexual pain.
Many factors can contribute to postpartum sexual issues, including hormonal changes, body image concerns, and mental health conditions. Breastfeeding, for instance, can lead to vaginal dryness and reduced sexual arousal due to hormonal shifts. Body image issues and mood disorders like depression and anxiety can also adversely affect sexual function. Women with postpartum depression are more likely to experience sexual concerns, and the relationship between sexual difficulties and depression can be bidirectional.
Empowerment and Expectations
One commonly cited recommendation is to wait until 6 weeks postpartum before resuming penetrative intercourse after a normal vaginal delivery. However, this guideline lacks robust scientific backing. Many people might feel ready for sexual intercourse much sooner or, conversely, might not feel comfortable at the 6-week mark. As clinicians, we must empower our patients to trust their own bodies and make decisions based on their comfort and readiness.
The 6-week advice can sometimes unintentionally convey to women that they are not experts on their own bodies, or that any kind of sex is risky. Acknowledging the recovery timeline for every person is unique and various forms of sexual expression are safe can help foster a healthier approach to resuming sexual activities. In one study of postpartum sexual behavior, in the first 6 weeks after delivery, the most common kinds of sexual play included giving oral sex to a partner and solo sex. Between 80% and 90% have resumed vaginal-receiving sexual play (including intercourse) by 3 months.
While recognizing that changes to sexual experience occur, we need to reinforce that gradual recovery is expected. And if women express distress about a sexual change, or if those changes persist, primary care providers should be prepared to help them with their concerns.
Parents need to know experiencing pain is not something they should “just deal with” or ignore. Attempting to repeatedly endure sexual pain can cause new issues, such as high-tone dysfunction of the pelvic floor or an understandable decrease in willingness or receptiveness to sexual play of any kind. Encouraging open communication about these issues can help couples navigate these changes more smoothly.
Partners, especially new fathers, also experience sexual and emotional challenges. They can feel blindsided by the changes in their relationship and might struggle with feelings of jealousy or inadequacy. Understanding partners also face difficulties can help in providing a more comprehensive approach to sexual health care.
Starting the Conversation
So, how can we initiate these important conversations with new parents? Start by providing permission. As healthcare providers, we need to create an environment where discussing sexual health is normalized and welcomed. Simple, nonjudgmental statements can open the door to these discussions. For example, saying, “Many people notice changes in their sexual desire or pleasure after childbirth. Has anything like this happened to you or your partner?” can encourage patients to share their concerns.
Assessing the importance to patients of sexual problems can help direct the need for intervention. Follow up on these concerns and offer support, whether through counseling, pelvic floor physical therapy, or a referral to a sexual medicine specialist, a sex therapist, or other appropriate resource.
Let’s return to Sarah. In the ideal world, at 3 months postpartum she will already have had a handful of clinical conversations about her sexual well-being with her healthcare team — at prenatal visits, at well-baby visits, and at her postpartum checkups. Several of these conversations included her partner. They both understand the transition to parenthood could be rocky for their sex lives. They’ve set aside time to connect and stay physically close. She’s listened to her body and only engaged in sexual play for which she feels ready. Now, noting that some aspects of sexual play are persistently uncomfortable, she knows it’s time to follow up. Without shame or anxiety, she books an appointment with you, knowing that you understand how important this issue is for her, her partner, and her baby.
If you’re working with new parents, remember: Open dialogue about sexual health is not just beneficial — it’s essential. Let’s bridge the gap in care by embracing these conversations and offering the support new parents truly need.