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I speak at many events for women in business, and this topic comes up every single time.
It doesn’t matter how often we discuss it: on a personal and practical level, the dilemma of career vs family is real for many parents.
Given my combination of City career and nine children, I have – unwittingly – found myself the “poster woman” for those who maintain it is perfectly possible to do both.
And yet, of course I have struggled from time to time – and taken many shortcuts.
Allison Pearson’s best-selling novel I Don’t Know How She Does It is close to the bone in places – and not just because the lead character is a fund manager, with a husband called Richard and nanny called Paula, just like me. (My children are convinced she is me!)
The “fictional” version bashes up a shop-bought cake to make it look homemade for a school bake sale – something I never thought of, but would definitely have tried if the idea had occurred to me.
The late Dame Shirley Conran famously pointed out that “life is too short to stuff a mushroom”.
When the Morrissey children were young, my “what life is too short for” threshold was considerably lower than mushroom-stuffing. Since, for example, I couldn’t fathom how a pair of socks would be put in the washing machine and have only one come out, odd socks just became the norm in our household.
My career was made possible (not just easier) by “my” Richard, a financial journalist who went freelance after we had our fourth child, and eventually stopped working (for money) – along with beloved Paula, our children’s nanny over an incredible 23 years.
Paula always lived out, which I am sure helped the arrangement last so long, since she had her own space and we had precious family time together. It’s now eight years since she left, but Paula returns each summer to spend time with the family.
Richard and Paula deserve so much of the credit for our happy family but, like every working mother I know, I did not want to delegate motherhood itself. I wanted to do a great job at work and be with my children whenever possible.
This was before anyone worked from home, so I had to come up with a strategy that reflected both priorities. I would get to the office early but was also disciplined about leaving in time for family suppers most evenings. That time together at the end of each day was an important part of our family life, and remains so today.
I had to accept there might be mutterings about me leaving “early”, but I also needed to create boundaries.
Before lockdown, some of my male colleagues never saw their children during the week – a situation that would have made my family and me quite miserable and just not been sustainable.
And while I tried my best to attend each child’s special events, with nine children it would have been impossible for any parent to get to all or even most of the school plays, concerts, ballet performances and sporting fixtures. Richard made a valiant effort, especially on the sports pitches, so our children had parental support – but I regretted missing certain moments.