Much of the Euros football experience is about re-conditioning the mind to the unique, charming phonetics of players’ names from different parts of that continent. The year-round overhyped following of just the English Premiership and the silo knowledge of one league restricts fans’ familiarity with the wider football-playing cultures of Europe. And the Euros are a fine time to delve into the miniscule ‘s’ of Latin that is actually a ‘sz’ sound prominent among East Europeans, or the German umlauts. Some ‘j’ are ‘y’, and the Turkish ‘c’ is in fact a ‘j’. Poland, Georgia, Romania and Turkey pose direct challenges to the ignoramus with long, grand puzzling (to uninitiated ) names. But the Euros offer a good opportunity to expand minds, notice African migrant community patterns and even correct selves on how names of famous folk, the Germans, French, Spaniards and Italians (anyone beyond the bland English), roll and ought to be respectfully uttered.
It’s Wojciech Szczęsny’s 4th Euro Championships for Poland, and one would think a dozen years would suffice to roll the goalkeeper’s name accurately, off the tongue. But Wojciech Szczęsny (Pronounced: Voy-chick / Voi-chish Shtenz-neh) remains the eternal and enduring challenge of name-dropping at the water-coolers in Euros season.
Dominik Szoboszlai (daw-mi-nick Soh-boh-slah-ee)/ Hungary
Szczęsny’s name is matched in vocal gymnastics only by Hungarian Dominik Szoboszlai (daw-mi-nick Soh-boh-slah-ee), the versatile midfielder. In a video for his Liverpool folk, while tying a complicated knot on shoe-laces, he winked to indicate the Zs in name ought to be ignored to nail the name.
By the time centre-back Attila Szalai (At-illah Suh-lah-ee) fetched up, you reckoned you’d aced the silent-Z trick of the Hungarians. But just to boggle the brain, turned up their winger Roland Sallai. The Freiburg pro had no Z in his spelling but insisted his Sallai went by Row-laand Show-law-ee.
Khvicha Kvaratskhelia (Khvi-cha Kavarts-khelia)/ Georgia
It was almost a relief when Georgian Khvicha Kvaratskhelia of Napoli despite the grandness of syllables in his name was simply Khvi-cha Kavarts-khelia. What you saw was what you said.
Joshua Kimmich (Yo-zua Kimmeesh)/ Germany
The Germans though are going a touch pedantic on pronunciations hosting this edition. At the heart of this Teutonic tyranny of tongue lashings, is the right back, defensive midfielder, Joshua Kimmich. Of a sweet disposition, but he went on BT Sport soon after becoming Europe’s best defender in 2019-20, and took pains to explain he was ‘Yo-zua Kimmeesh’. It was OK, he said, if the Brits called him Jaw-shua, but Yaw-shua was a no-no. Youtube pronunciation videos have since been trying to teach the world about the ‘typical hissing cat German sound’ at the tail-end of Kimmich, for the man from Rottweil in Germany.
Jonathan Tah ought not to be tough, till the German backie gently reminded that his name was Yawna-thann Thaa, like a distant gun-shot. Florian Wirtz (Flow-riaan Weer-tzz) and Ilkay Gundogan (Ill-kaye Goon-doh-waan) are other local pronunciation pretzels.
Kawdwo Duah (Kwo-dwoh Di-ah)/Switzerland
Switzerland have found an able heir to Granit Xhaka (Graaneat Jhaka) in Kawdwo Duah (Kwo-dwoh Di-ah), of Ghanian origin, and with an abundance of W’s in his name who also scored their starting goal.
Marin Pongracic (Maa-rin Pongraa-sitch)/Croatia
While in their world teeming with the talented itch-es (Modric, Kovacic, Brozovic, Persic), Croatia have onboarded the late-bloomer Marin Pongracic (Maa-rin Pongraa-sitch). Josip Sutalo was supposed to cut the clutter for Croats but he goes by ‘Yosip Shutalo’, a nutmeg name if there passed one.
Kieran Tierney (keeuh-ruhn tee-uh-nee)/Scotland
Scotland’s footballing fortunes might not vary from one Euro to next, but they like a chuckle, in the form of John McGinn (Jon Muc-ginn), not uttered like gin & tonic, but more like Guinness. There’s Ryan Porteous (rai-uhn paw-tea-uhs) in their ranks too. But their real whisk is the forward Che Zach Everton Fred Adams (He actually goes by Chay, not Shay), all of whom are just one talented person. Kieran Tierney (keeuh-ruhn tee-uh-nee) stresses on the light and & shadowing of ‘R’.
Lamine Yamal (Luh-mean Ya-maal)/ Spain
Some Euro debuts need registering, like Spain’s teen sensation so their names get imprinted with the correct intonation. Lamine Yamal is ‘Luh-mean Ya-maal’. It’s imperative to stick to Spanish subtleties. Like José Ignacio Fernández Iglesias goes by Nacho (Naht-choh) and Robin Le Normand (Raw-bin Lay-naw-muh) eschews the D’s and R.
Davide Fratessi (Daa-vi-day Fra-tezzi)/Italy
The Italians insist the lilting L’s are even more crucial than rolling R’s as Nicolo Barella is the playmaking No.10 Barellllllla, with endless Ls. Davide Fratessi sees every consonant and vowel in his name done justice, as Daa-vi-day Fra-tezzi. While Gianluca Scamacca (Jian-luka sca-maa-kka) carries proper False-Nine vibes, though Indians should beware of not saying the name in one-breath.
Armando Broja (Armando Broya)/Albania
Some names are not a foot-long, but just carry enough of a hidden back-heel in them to stump the football-yappers. Albania’s Armando Broja (Bro-ya) is the Y, not J.
Benjamin Šeško (Ben-ya-min Shesh-co)/Slovenia
Slovenia’s 20-year-old Leipzig star Benjamin Šeško (Ben-ya-min Shesh-co), who went on a goal glut in qualifying and is chased by Arsenal, is the best example of the ‘Šeš’ being the ‘Shesh’.
Rasmus Holjund (Rahs-moos Hoi-loond)/Denmark
Danish Simon Kjaer (See-moan Kay-uhr) and Rasmus Holjund (Rahs-moos Hoi-loond) can catch you off-guard with the sudden ‘kj’ and ‘lj’. And the usually boring English have managed to sneak in a toughie this time in the form of Marc Guehi (Mark Gay-ee).
Memphis Depay (Memphis De-paaii)/ The Netherlands
Memphis Depay is easy sounding for the Dutch. But don’t get confident too soon, not-so-fast. It’s Memphis (De-paaii). And Virgil van Dijk hands over the J-could-be-any-sound baton to Stefan de Vrij (Stee-faan De-fray).
N’Golo Kante (En-golow Con-tay)/France
The French sounds are un-describable, but the guy who told the press that he’s better looking than the “ninja turtle Mbappe” has a regal ring to his Marcus Thuram (Maar-koos Thuu-raam). Their eternal legend, the silent workhorse of course, is N’Golo Kante (En-golow Con-tay, in French).
Juraj Kucka (Yu-raai Kaka)/ Slovakia
Slovakia can whip up a surprise as the Belgians with Jeremy Doku (Je-ray-me Baffou Do-ku — soft D like two in Hindi) learnt. Juraj Kucka has more than 100 international caps, but did you know he went by ‘Yu-raai Kaka’ proving the shortest names can pack a surprise punch?