It’ll give you ‘a competitive edge’

Melody Wilding has met a lot of frustrated employees. Whether they can’t figure out what their boss wants, feel overlooked for plum projects and promotions, or are overwhelmed by office politics, she writes in her book, “their problems often boil down to one thing: They don’t know how to manage up.”

That phrase might conjure outdated ideas of keeping your head down and kissing up to your boss and senior leaders. But in “Managing Up: How to Get What You Need from the People in Charge,” Wilding defines managing up as “strategically navigating relationships with those who have more positional power than you, namely your boss.”

Wilding, a CNBC Make It contributor, draws on her experience as a therapist, human behavior professor, and executive coach who’s worked with thousands of professionals — including at Google, Amazon, and other Fortune 500 companies — as well as dozens of interviews and a survey of 12,000 people. The result is a book full of practical strategies, scripts, and relatable anecdotes.

Her goal is to “show you exactly how to apply the principles of emotional intelligence, influence, persuasion, negotiation and more to give yourself a competitive edge at work.” You might need these to deal with a control freak or toxic jerk, set boundaries in an always-on company culture, navigate office gossip, give your boss sensitive feedback, figure out whether to take another offer, or face other common workplace situations. 

CNBC Make It selected “Managing Up” as our September book club pick because, as Wilding puts it, “you deserve better than just ‘getting by’ at work.” You deserve “to feel confident, valued and strong when interacting with those above you.” 

If you haven’t picked up Wilding’s book yet, or could use a refresher before you join us for Wednesday’s discussion in our private LinkedIn group, here are some key takeaways.

Wilding structures her book around them. They’re typically ongoing rather than one-offs, ranging from formal to casual and foundational to advanced.

1. The alignment conversation “is all about figuring out how your work fits into the bigger picture and making sure you and your boss agree on what success looks like,” Wilding writes. You’ll figure out what your manager’s needs and priorities are and how to focus on meaningful and “promotable” work.
2. The styles conversation is about learning to “decode your boss’ communication styles and work habits” and gaining the self-awareness and confidence to assert your own needs “in a way that commands respect and still keeps higher-ups on your side.” 
3. The ownership conversation is about moving past a more junior mindset of simply doing what you’re told and stepping up with new ideas. Wilding wants you to “learn to solve the right problems, get your manager and others on board, and take thoughtful action in a way that minimizes resistance.”
4. The boundaries conversation is about gauging when and how to say no while maintaining a reputation as a team player. 
5. The feedback conversation is about sharing constructive criticism with your boss and up the chain of command in a way that gets your voice heard and your input taken seriously. Wilding also covers handling offensive remarks and navigating retaliation. 
6. The networking conversation is about looking beyond your boss to other decision-makers and influential people, building social capital, and helping you get what you want and need, without feeling icky or awkward. 
7. The visibility conversation is about making sure your accomplishments — the right ones — get seen and rewarded. Wilding shares storytelling tips to help you attract the opportunities you want, along with scripts to use when someone takes credit for your work, for example, or your comments are ignored. 
8. The advancement conversation is about positioning yourself to take on bigger projects, more responsibilities, or a new role. You’ll need to think about aligning with the company’s needs, getting your boss on board, and navigating objections. 
9. The money conversation, which may or may not come up in tandem with the advancement conversation, is about pushing past stigma and fears to negotiate effectively for a higher starting salary, a raise, or other valuable perks.
10. The quitting conversation is about transitioning out of a job on good terms to “keep your reputation and relationships glowing,” Wilding writes. Because “how you leave is how you’ll be remembered.”

Your interactions with your boss won’t sound exactly like your friend’s interactions with their boss. All of these conversations can and should be adapted based on styles, personalities, goals, circumstances, and context. 

Wilding weaves in suggestions throughout to help you tailor scripts and strategies. For example, she helps you determine whether your boss is a Commander, Cheerleader, Caretaker, or Controller — and shares tips for approaching each one in different scenarios. 

Early in the book, Wilding prompts readers to lay out their one-year vision. “Before you can align with others, you have to know what you want,” she writes. “Imagine yourself 365 days from now having the best possible workday. What are you doing? Who are you interacting with? What makes this day stand out and feel fulfilling and energized?”

She encourages people to use their one-year vision as a roadmap for many of the conversations throughout the book — and to revisit and revise it as they grow.

These conversations might be daunting. They are even for the smart, talented high performers Wilding often coaches. “Start small if you need to,” she writes. “Stay the course and the conversations will get a bit easier, a bit more natural.”

At the end of the day, “the goal of this book isn’t simply to change how you deal with your boss or people in power, but to change how you see yourself,” Wilding writes. “Instead of being at the mercy of others’ decisions or moods, you now have what you need to take the reins.”

Ready to dive in? Start reading, request to join our LinkedIn group, and come chat with us and Wilding on Wednesday, October 1, at 10 a.m. ET, at our next CNBC Make It Book Club discussion. 

Any questions for the author? Drop them in the comments of this LinkedIn post (you’ll need to join our private group first, which you can do here). Or email them to us in advance at askmakeit@cnbc.com, using the subject line “Question for Melody Wilding.”

Hoping to get ahead? Our October pick is “The 5 Types of Wealth: A Transformative Guide to Design Your Dream Life” by Sahil Bloom.

Have suggestions for future picks? Send them to us at askmakeit@cnbc.com, using the subject line “Make It book club suggestion.”

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